Razor Sharp
by Coffin Tramp
Summary: Ellie’s getting worse, trying to keep a hold on reality. Sean is struggling to keep himself on his own two feet. So can they really help each other without falling together?
1. All My Problems

Razor Sharp 

Chapter1

All My Problems

Ellie Nash walked down the main road away from DCHS on the last day of school before winter break. She normally would have been walking with Ashley Kerwin, but lately Ash had been spending more time with Paige. Whatever, Ash had said she'd be there if Ellie needed anything. She turned her CD player all the way up, letting Smile Empty Soul blare from the headphones around her neck.

She ignored the strange looks people were giving her. With her rock music, black eyeliner, long black jacket and black jeans, she knew she stuck out in the crowd of adults walking up and down the same street. Ellie crossed the street, headed home. She looked down, watching her feet in her clunky black motorcycle boots thump her way to the other side of the street. She never saw Sean Cameron until they collided.

"Hey! Watch were you're goin'!" Sean looked at her for a second, but didn't leave. Ellie had landed on her butt, but her folders for her co-op job had fallen, and the papers were scattered over the sidewalk.

"Sorry," Ellie muttered, as she tried to gather all her papers. Sean pulled his black knit hat further down on his head, and knelt down, helping her gather her papers.

"Is that all of them?" Sean stood and looked around.

"Yeah, it should be," Ellie put them back in her folders, and looked up to see Sean's hand reached out to help her up. He grabbed her arm, not very tightly, and pulled her up. Tears welled up in her eyes at his grip on fresh cuts. She took a quick breath, holding her arm to her stomach.

"Sorry. Ellie," Sean looked at her, and saw something he recognized all too well in her eyes, "Are you ok?" Sean touched her shoulder. "Ellie?"

"I, I think so," Ellie said and rubbed her arm. It was sore, and at least one cut was bleeding already, it stung like hell. "I should go home now." Ellie said it, but she was dreading it. You couldn't pay her enough to want to be home when her mother was like this.

"Hey, wanna come over for a while? We could watch TV or something," Sean heard the implication of what she had said; _I don't want to be alone._ He looked at her, wondering why shit happened people. He could see the twisted pain inside her on her face.

"Sure. My mom's probably still pas- at work," Ellie caught herself. Sean knew some shit about her, but not that. He put his arm around her shoulders, and they walked on.

Sean unlocked his back door, and they went in. He tossed his sweatshirt on the battered old sofa, and went to the refrigerator.

"Hey, Ellie! Do you want Pepsi or water?" Sean pulled his head out of the fridge.

"Um, Pepsi," Ellie walked into the tiny kitchen.

"Here ya go," Sean tossed the can to her. As she reached out to catch it, Sean noticed there was a little blood dripping down her palm. "Come here, Ellie. You're bleeding."

"Oh, I am. I'll just go in the bathroom…" Ellie headed towards the hallway.

"No you're not Ellie," Sean grabbed her by her shoulders, and guided her to the sink. "Take off your arm thing and roll up your sleeve," Sean turned on the faucet, and wet a paper towel. He wiped at the dried blood on her arm, gently dabbing the open cuts. There must have been at least a dozen cuts, just from her elbow to her wrist. Some were older and already scarring, most were scabby, but there were a couple brand new, probably a day or two old, and split open.

"Ellie, some of these look a little infected. Have you cleaned them at all?" Sean glanced up at her face.

"Um, no. I guess I never thought to," Ellie looked at Sean. He seemed to know how to do this better than she did.

"Well, this is gonna sting some," Sean said, pulling a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the cabinet above the sink. "Hold your arm over the sink," Sean wrapped his arm around her and grabbed her wrist, holding her steady. "Ready?" He asked. Ellie nodded, and Sean poured a little alcohol over her arm.

"Oww!" Ellie jumped.

"Well, duh. Don't touch it," Sean said, sounding like he knew exactly what he was doing. He tried not to look for more marks on her arm as he dried off her arm. He pulled a roll of gauze and tape from the same cabinet as before.

"Bend your elbow a little. Okay," Sean wrapped the gauze around Ellie's arm, deftly taping it into place.

"How do you do that so easily?" Ellie asked, pulling her sleeve down.

"I just do. Hey, let's watch the TV now," Sean said, trying to change the subject. Quick. He leapt over the back of the couch and landed with a thump.

"10 points!" Ellie teased and sat down next to him to the couch. They sat and watched TV, and made fun of the cheesy commercials. When Ellie looked at the clock, it was 8:48 and the sun had already begun to go down.

"Sean, I really should go home." Ellie said, but didn't get up. She wasn't really looking forward to having to deal with her drunk mother. Her drunk, abusive, bitchy mother.

Sean's heart seized, he didn't want to be alone either. "Just stay a while longer. Tracker will be home in a few hours, he can give you a ride then." Sean said; forgetting for a moment Tracker had left.

"Alright. I'll stay." Ellie heard the desperation in his voice, the need for contact with another conscious person. She flopped back, and tugged her red hair out of its braids.

"Hey, Ellie, can I ask you a question?" Sean looked at floor.

"Sure. Shoot." Ellie pulled at her arm sock, un-tucking her sleeve from it.

"Why do you cut?" Sean looked at his battered sneakers. He wanted to know why she did this. But as soon as he asked the question, he realized he'd pulled loose a keystone in the wall holding back all of Ellie's feelings.

"Well, probably because…" Ellie paused, thinking, "Probably because my mother is a fucking drunk. My ex-'boyfriend' is gay. My dad's gone for the next six months. At least. Paige can't keep her nose out of other peoples' shit. I can probably think of a few dozen other reasons." She leaned forward, holding her head in her hands. Sean looked at her, her hair fluffed out, stress and pain showing in her eyes and the creases on her forehead. He saw her hands move, making slicing gestures above her gauze-wrapped arm. Ellie's eyes were closed, but her mind was racing. Her teeth were clenched, and her breaths were short. It seemed to start in her shoulders. Quick, ragged shudders, synchronized with her breathing. Then her entire body began to tremble, as her cries racked her body.

"Ellie," Sean wrapped his arms around her, holding her against him. She began to cry harder, tears streaming down her cheeks as she buried her face in his neck. "Ellie, don't cry." He smoothed his hand over her hair. He wasn't used to seeing chicks cry. Emma had only cried once in front of him, and Amy never had. Sean wasn't really sure what to say. He just held her and let her cry her eyes out. By the time Ellie stopped crying, the sun had gone down long before, and Tracker should have been home a while ago. Ellie was exhausted, all that crying had taken a lot out of her. She looked like she was gonna fall asleep.

"C'mon Ellie," Sean stood, and half dragged, half guided her out of the TV room, and down the hallway. Sean nudged his bedroom door open, and turned on a dim lamp.

"Sean," Ellie said weakly, "I need to go home,"

"You need to sleep." Sean sat her on his twin-size bed, unzipped her boots, and carefully removed them from her feet. "I'll call Ashley and get her to cover for you. Good night, Ellie." Sean said as he pulled his thin blankets over her.

"Hello?" Toby answered the phone.

"Hey, is Ashley home?" Sean was a little nervous.

"Yeah, hold on a minute, _Ashley!_"

"Hello?" Ashley sounded tired.

"Hi Ash. It's Sean." He answered, sounding a lot calmer that he actually was.

"Sean? Why are you calling me?"

"I need a favor."

"What?"

"If Ellie's mom calls, I need you to tell her she's at your house."

"Why? Were is she?" Ashley growled into the phone.

"She's here, but she's asleep." Sean cringed at Ashley's threatening tone.

"If you do anything to her, I swear to god Sean, I'll kill you." Ashley trusted Sean about as much as she did a rabid dog.

"I won't, I promise."

"Well, she doesn't need you to mess up her life like you did to mine." Ash said.

"That wasn't all my fault and you know it. But will you cover for her?"

"Fine, but I will kill you if she says anything happened."

"Thanks Ash."

"Bye."

"Bye." Sean hung up the phone, and headed to the bathroom. As he pulled his jeans off, the dirty light caught the faint scars across his leg. They were finally beginning to fade. Sean shook the thoughts from his head, pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt, and went back into his room. He could hear Ellie crying again as he opened the door. She was curled up on the bed, like a kitten.

"Ellie, I'm gonna go sleep on the couch, ok?" Sean said, barely above a whisper as he grabbed a blanket from the floor.

"No, please don't leave me alone Sean. Please." Ellie rolled over, black tears rolling down her face. "I don't want to be alone. I'm scared." Ellie said, trying not to cry.

"Fine, I'll stay here. Scoot over." Sean sat down next to her, his back to the wall. Ellie laid next to him, and fell asleep wrapped in Sean Cameron's arms.


	2. The Weekend

Razor Sharp 

Chapter 2

The Weekend

The next morning, the sun peeked through the dirty curtains in Sean's room, spilling streaks of light onto the bed. Sean was still holding Ellie in his arms, her tears dried on her face. Sean gently slid his arm from under Ellie's sleeping body, and walked out to the kitchen. Tracker was putting the last of his junk into a box.

"Hey, Sean. I just stopped by to grab the last of my shit. Anyway, I'll call you sometime Monday. But, please, stay out of trouble. I'll call you after I get off work on Monday," Tracker stood, pulling his coat on.

"Ok. Whatever," Sean yawned.

"Bye. Be careful,"

"Alright, _dad_," Sean replied sarcastically.

"Not funny. Bye," Tracker walked out, waving to Sean as he got in his friend's car.

_Well, _thought Sean, _at least I get two days all to myself_. Sean walked back to the bedroom to wake Ellie. He almost ran into her as he turned the corner into the hall.

"Ellie! You're awake!"

"Yeah,"

"You just missed Tracker, he stopped by to get the last of his shit," Sean said coldly

"Cool. Hey I gotta go home and change and shower and stuff," Ellie tried to smooth her hair back. But it was knotty and poofy.

"You can hang around here until then if you want," Sean looked at her.

"Ok, but I need to get clean clothes, though," Ellie hoped Sean understood what she meant. She liked him. But still… she thought she smelled funny. "Sean do you wanna come with me?"

"Sure. Just let me get dressed," Sean walked back his bedroom as Ellie grabbed her coat from behind the couch.

Sean and Ellie walked into her back yard, leaving the back gate open.

"Hey Sean, can you give me boost up to the roof?" Ellie asked, pulling her coat off.

"Sure,"

"Thanks," Ellie set her coat on the ground.

"Get on my shoulders," Sean got down on one knee, and Ellie sat on his shoulders. Holding his hands for balance as he stood, Ellie tried to keep from falling.

"Ok, now slowly put your feet on my shoulders. Good, now very carefully stand," Ellie slowly stood, grabbing the edge of the roof for balance. Sean held her ankles steady. "Ellie, pick up one foot, good. Now the other," Sean said, holding her feet in his hands. "Ok, when I say go, jump. GO!" Ellie jumped, and Sean practically launched her onto the roof.

"Oww," Ellie said, landing on her stomach. "Sean, I'll be back in a minute. Hide behind the bushes so no one sees you," Ellie opened her window above the garage, and slipped in as quietly as possible.

Ellie pulled her duffel bag out from under her bed, and grabbed some clothes from her dresser; a black tee shirt, a black hoodie, her pajamas, some underwear, and a pair of baggy black bondage pants. She tiptoed out to the bathroom, and grabbed her makeup bag. Throwing everything into her bag, Ellie stopped to write her mom a note saying she was at Ashley's house. She grabbed her journal off her desk and hurried back out the window as she heard her mom stirring downstairs. Once back on the roof, Ellie stuffed her journal in her bag, and called for Sean. He came out from behind the bushes, pulling twigs off his shirt.

"Sean, catch!" Ellie tossed her bag down. Sean caught it and set it on the ground.

"Now you," Sean held his arms out to Ellie. She sat down on the edge of the roof, swinging her legs over, and carefully lowered herself over the edge of the roof. Sean reached up to catch her, his hands sliding up her legs. Ellie grabbed his shoulders, his hands on her hips as he lowered her to the ground. Her face was barely an inch away from his, her mouth right by his. They just stood there, and for a moment, Ellie thought he might kiss her. Sean thought about it, but pulled away, grabbing her coat from the ground and handed it to her.

"Thanks," Ellie took it from him, pulled it on, and slung her duffel bag over her shoulder. They walked back to Sean's house silently.

As soon as they got back to Sean's house, Ellie asked if she could use the shower.

"Hey, Sean, can I use your shower?"

"Go for it. But hurry, the hot water will run out in about fifteen minutes,"

"Ok. Thanks," Ellie walked in to the bathroom, and locked the door. Ellie pulled her arm socks off, and tried not to look at her cuts and scars. She turned the water on, and quickly washed her body and hair. Just as she finished rinsing her hair, the water began to cool. She hurried out, wrapping a towel around herself. She put on her makeup, dried her hair, and pulled on the baggy pants and the tee shirt.

After Sean took a shower, they decided to head into town for a while. They walked down the sidewalk, just talking and laughing. Other kids from DCHS stared at them. Sean with his low slung baggy pants, black bandana, white T-shirt, and gray sweat shirt, and Ellie in her punk pants, black shirt, motorcycle boots, black eyeliner, and trench coat. They walked into the Dot, and ordered cheese fries from the waitress. While they were eating, Emma and Chris walked in and sat down across from them. Sean began to get a little irritated, Emma kept glaring at them.

"Ellie, do you wanna leave now?" Sean looked at her with a sort of pleading look in his eyes.

"Ok. Just let me refill my soda," Ellie walked over to the soda dispenser, filled her paper cup, and they left.

Ellie and Sean walked to the park behind the school, and sat on the plastic swings.

"Ellie, do you really want to stay with me, honestly? Or do you just want out of your house?" Sean asked.

"Umm, yeah. I like staying with you. You, you're different than everybody else,"

"How?"

"Well, you don't get all weird about my cuts and stuff. Like, Paige treats me like a baby, as if I need her always asking me about it. And Ashley, she keeps telling me if I need anything, she's there in a minute. But I can't really talk to her. Last time I tried to explain it, she totally freaked. But you listen. And you don't ask questions. You don't pry. It's like I've known you forever," Ellie looked at the ground, falling back and forth beneath her feet as she swung. Sean got of his swing, walked over, and stood in behind of Ellie. She stopped swinging.

"Thanks," He said, holding the chains of the swing. He pulled her back, and then pushed her forward, higher and higher.

"Hey Sean. Did you hear about Terri?" Ellie let her head drop back.

"What about her?" Sean pushed Ellie again.

"Ash said she's leaving at the end of the school year," Ellie dipped her head back to look at Sean.

"Really? I haven't heard anything," he said.

"Yeah. Marco told me. Apparently Dylan told him,"

"Dylan knows before I do? Man am I out of it," Sean laughed.

"Paige probably told him, since her and Ash are such 'best friends' again. Wonder how long it'll last this time," Ellie said dryly and jumped off the swing.

"Who cares about them? Those two couldn't decide if they were best friends or worst enemies in grade school, so why should this be any different?" Sean said, following Ellie out of the park.

"Really? Why am I not surprised?" Ellie scrunched up her face and laughed.

"Gotchya to laugh," he said and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Wanna cookie?" Ellie poked him in the ribs.

"Ouch I'm wounded," Sean doubled over in mock pain.

"You are such a spaz," she said, pulling him off the ground.

Sean was in his room, trying to clean up a little, when he accidentally knocked Ellie's bag off the bed. Her journal fell out, open to a few days after her dad left.

_Friday_

_I hate her so much. How could she? Dad hasn't been gone_

_72 hours yet, and she's already back to it. Back to knocking_

_me around, yelling, and barfing. She's such a hypocrite._

_Claiming that she's better. If she really was, she wouldn't_

_be drunk now. I hate her…_

Sean tried to put it down, but he couldn't. He flipped ahead to a few days ago.

_Wednesday_

_God. We're at this again. I do not believe I'm doing this again._

_Mom's collapsed on the couch. I don't think that vodka_

_stain is gonna come out of the carpet. I hate my life. I wish I_

_could leave. Anywhere. Even Montana. I'm trying not to cut_

_anymore, but I don't think it's working. I really wanna cut…_

Sean looked at the bottom of the page. There was dried blood drips on the paper. He put the journal back into her bag, and set it next to his bed. He finished cleaning his room, and went out to the kitchen to find something to eat.

Ellie walked in just as Sean was making the couch up as a bed.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late," Ellie walked in.

"It's alright. I was just gonna go to bed. I figured you could have my bed, and I'll sleep here. Unless you want out here,"

"No, it's ok. I don't care,"

"Ok. Good night Ellie,"

"Goodnight Sean," Ellie went to the bathroom and changed into he pajamas, and went to bed.


	3. Daddy,I'm So Sorry

Razor Sharp 

Chapter 3

Daddy, I'm so sorry

When Sean woke up the next morning, Ellie was gone. All her stuff was gone, too. But she left him a note on the counter.

_Sean-_

_Ash called, said my mom was looking for me, so I'm headed there. I might stay with her part of this week, so no worries. I'll be fine. See you later, and be careful._

_Ellie _

Sean set the note down, feeling lonely already. He flopped onto the couch, trying to think off something to do. He lazed around his house for a while longer, then decided to hang around town. He tied his black bandanna around his head as he walked out his door.

"Thanks for covering for me, Ash," Ellie set her duffel bag on her bed, and sat on the floor, holding the phone to her ear.

"No prob. What are friends for?" Ashley said, "Why did you stay with Sean, anyway?"

"He offered, and I didn't want to go home," Ellie dumped her bag out onto the floor.

"You could have stayed here."

"I know. But it was kinda spur of the moment. I'm fine. Really," Ellie replied.

"Okay," Ashley said, but her doubt was obvious.

"Hey, what are you doing tonight? Maybe we could do something. I'm so bored."

"Actually, I have plans with Paige. She wants to do stuff over break," Ashley said, blowing Ellie off without realizing it.

"Oh. Well, um, I gotta go. I gotta clean up," Ellie said, an old familiar feeling swell in her stomach.

"Bye."

"Bye Ellie. Talk to ya later," Ash hung up.

"Yeah," Ellie said to the empty line, and hung up. She started to pace her room. "I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this." She was shaking, trying not to give in. She wanted to cut. She _needed_ to cut. She had to. "I can't do this."

Ellie sat on the counter top in the bathroom, her back to the locked door, holding a black box in her hands. It was full of notes from Marco and Ash. She pulled all the notes out, and opened the false bottom. She stared at the assortment of shiny razors, needles, a pocketknife and her old protractor in her box, the sharp edges catching the light. She pulled a long razor out, and held it in her hand for a moment, contemplating the chances of anyone finding her. Ellie pulled her sleeves up and looked for a clean spot. Holding her arm over the light green sink, she pushed the blade into her pale skin. She learned a while ago that it was much easier to clean up this way, rather than messing with cleaning the floor or towels. She dragged the blade across her arm, watching the blood bubble up and slide down her arm.

"One... two... three... four... five..." Ellie whispered hoarsely. Blood dripped onto the light colored porcelain. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She was thinking. Triggering thoughts, of Ashley ditching her, Marco leaving her, her mom ignoring her, her dad being forced away. Her blood oozed down her arm, dripping into the cold hard porcelain, staining it red. She kept playing the conversation with Ashley over and over in her head. Ashley always said she'd be there, but now she wasn't. She wasn't. And her dad was gone. The only person she was ever incredibly close to, was gone on a peace keeping mission.

_Well, fuck Kabul. They don't need him, I do. Hey dad, who's more important? Them or me? Do you even care that mom's drunk, AGAIN! Ya gotta know that she is. She's never managed while you're gone. What makes this time any different?_ Ellie thought. _Daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry._ She threw the blade at the wall, and it bounced off, leaving only a red mark where it hit. Ellie slid off the counter, and turned the cold water on, watching the sink fill with a copper color. She grabbed a wad of toilet paper, and wiped the blood off her arm. She patted at it, and pulled the bottle of rubbing alcohol and a roll of gauze from under the sink. Ellie poured the alcohol on her arm, balling her hand into a fist against stinging relief. She wrapped the gauze around her arm and watched the red seep through the cloth. Her head snapped up when she heard the smash of shattering glass. She hurriedly wiped the sink out, and went down stairs to check on her mom.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Ellie called from the top of the stairs as she pulled her sleeves down.

"Just clean it up, damn it! Eleanor, clean it up! Don't just look at it!" her mom slurred from the couch.

Ellie came downstairs, and saw shards of glass all over the landing of the staircase. She picked all the big pieces up, and threw them into the trash. She came back with the broom and a dust pan, and cleaned the rest of the mess up. She dumped it into the trash just as someone rang the door bell.

"Eleanor, get that! I can't do everything around here!"

"You don't do _anything _around here." Ellie mumbled to herself. She opened the door. "Sean!" she was surprised.

"Uh, hi Ellie. You left before I woke up. So I, uh," he said, slightly embarrassed. "I was just wandering and I figured I'd stop by. I hope you don't mind."

"Nah, I don't mind. Some company would be nice," Ellie tugged at her sleeve.

"Ya sure?" Sean asked.

"Yeah. C'mon in," Ellie let Sean in and closed the door. "Ignore the mess," she waved her good arm at the array of alcohol bottles scattered about the house.

"It's okay," he said, remembering how his house back in Wasaga used to look.

"So what do you want to do?" Ellie asked as they stood in the kitchen.

"I don't care."

"Uuhhn," Ellie's mom groaned.

"Uh, let's go upstairs. So my mom can get some sleep," she said and they hurried up the stairs and into Ellie's room.


End file.
